Alone?

He was torn. He wanted to come and hear the results but also felt the need to work and support the family. They offered to come with me too but It is only test results, they shouldn't miss work because of me. I am a strong, independant woman. I am the one they always come to for support and help. I shouldn't put them out.

I get here early. I sit in the car and cry to you, Oh Lord. My heart is hammering in my chest and my mind is going a hundred miles an hour. I pray for the Doctor. I pray for her to have wisdom and insight. I pray for the strength to keep it together, not to make a fool of myself in there. I pray for your peace to wash over me no matter what the results.

I go up the elevator, 3rd floor. I walk down the hall. I open the door. I am the only on in the waiting room. I sign in and sit down to wait. The nurse comes out with a file and calls a name. It is my name. OK Lord here we go. What do you have instore for me. The nurse takes me to my room, takes my vitals, asks questions, then tells me that the Doctor will be right in.

I am sitting on the paper covered table. Alone, I wanted it that way, right? Then I feel you. Then I hear you. You are right there on the table with me, holding my hand, whispering in my ear...Come to You, You will carry my Burdens, You are with me.

I still have no real answers. I am still off to the specialist. I still must find my peace in my situation. Tomorrow will be better.

Thank you Heavenly Father for Loving me and being sooo faithful. You were there today, you held me together, your strength is what shined through. I will continue to find my rest in you.